The Pendleton Panther

Archive for the ‘April 1st edition’ Category

April Fools day is my favorite holiday.  Since I was eight and my mom told me that her and dad were getting a divorce (and she watched me frozen for fifteen minutes) I have gone out in seek of revenge.  Of course, I don’t just do it to her.  On march 31st I spent about half an hour making note cards of who I was going to prank and how.  I ended up playing about 10 jokes and about six were successful. I would love to share them with you all:

1. Unfortunately my number one joke is inappropriate for the Panther :(

2. I took my moms wallet out of her purse and hid it – she was hysterical for about half an hour calling her credit card companies and recent transactions. Finally after she asked me to look through the car once more I brought her back a note that said “April fools”.

3. I told Steve Shenbaum that I failed a drug test and was kicked out of IMG.  He was so proud of me for pulling off an April fools on him.

4. I hid in the bushes behind the court and called my coach Juan and said I wouldn’t be at tennis for the rest of the week because I just really didn’t feel like it, and as he let out a sigh of failure at his job to motivate me I went on the court and said “April fools”.

5. I told my weight conscious friend that the new medication she was on would make her gain up to 15 pounds.

6. I told my friend “Susie” (names changed for confidentiality) who is basically married to her boyfriend “Tom” that I had been in love with Tom for the past 3 months and I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. After I said “April fools” she said “I hate you” and hung up on me. Then she played the joke on him.  Tom was so shocked (because he is really mean to me) and uncomfortable until Susie dropped the AF bomb on him.

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Yesterday I went to the mall to pick up a present for a girl. I went to the best jewelry place they had to see what I could get her and what she might like. I was looking through the glass cases trying to pick something out. It was so hard because there is a lot of nice stuff and I couldn’t figure out which to get her. When I got to the diamond section I wasn’t even watching my surroundings when all of the sudden I bumped into some little short dude with dreads. When that happened there were four huge body guard looking dudes all over me holding me back. All I heard was a very weird laugh that sounded awfully familiar. Then I saw some little creature with dreads walk through the towering guys and I had to blink like a hundred times to figure out that it was Lil’ Wayne, my favorite rapper. I apologized to him I don’t know how many times. I was so embarrassed. He said it was okay and laughed. He also said no problem as long as Iwas a fan not a hater. I was like “no way Weezy you’re my favorite.” He asked me what I was doing there. I told him all about my anniversary with this special girl. He appointed me to the best jeweler there and said don’t worry about the cost. After that I was shocked and so excited at the same time. He gave me his personal assistants email for when I wanted concert tickets the next time he was in Florida. He said he had to get going because his diamond grillz were going to be done later and he had to meet up with his agent. I asked him more then anything besides covering the cost of my girl’s anniversary present if he would perform at IMG. He said he would defiantly get a date open and come and perform. April fools!

A hospital in Brussels, Belgium has burned the pancakes of two patients while they were examining them. They accidentally used a disinfectant instead of water. They wanted to clean the pancake with water to be able to see the inside. Four patients were severely damaged. According to a doctor in the “Brugmann Hospital” the nurses made a mistake while preparing the examination of the pancake. The bottle of disinfectant is transparent and looks a lot like water. It is usually used to clean the ambulance and stretchers. The president of Belgium visited and gave a speech to the victims, it aired live on television. The hospital promised to pay for the surgery and further costs necessary to replace the pancakes. The reason the patients came in was because they all went to a house party and were too full to even stand on their feet. The next day, they had a huge stomach ache .

april_fools_lolcatsApril Fools’ Day is a light-hearted tradition that is actually several hundred years old. “People who love pranks really love the day and refuse to give up the tradition” says Alex Boese, curator of the Museum of Hoaxes in San Diego. Over the recent years in the United States, pranks on April Fools’ Day in home and offices have actually decreased. This has been replaced by “institutional media hoaxes” says Boese. Though the true origin of April Fools’ Day is unknown, there is a popular theory that it started in France. The theory states that France changed its calendar in the 1500s so that it would match the Roman calendar. They did this in order to have the same New Year. The new change was not well known and many people in rural areas still celebrated the new year in the spring. These people in the country were known as “April fools.” Boese has studied the holiday, and disagrees with the theory. He believes that April Fool’s day has simply come from an age-old European spring festival. In this festival of renewal, pranks, and camouflaging ones identity were common.

 

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Salmonella strains were found last week during routine test by Kraft Foods, one company that purchased the nuts. The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) announced this week that a California food processing plant is voluntarily recalling up to 1 million pounds of roasted pistachio products that can kill you very easily.  The nuts came from Setton Farms in Terra Bella, California.   They were largely distributed in 2,000-pound containers to food wholesalers who would then package them for resale or incorporate them as ingredients in other products.  But no other product can kill you as easily as these pistachios.  Dr. David Acheson said that 1,000 deaths have been linked to this case as of now.   This is a good thing because many people think that this could cause more illnesses.  Acheson emphasized that unlike the recent case of salmonella-tainted peanut butter, this recall was not prompted by an sickness outbreak, saying the decision was a “proactive” move.   The FDA is advising consumers not to eat any pistachio products because of all the deaths, but not to throw them out, either, because they could contaminate your trash so much that the smell could kill you.

A few days ago, Cristiano Ronaldo was interviewed prior to Portugal’s World Cup qualifying game against Sweden. After the interview, a few of the reporters asked Ronaldo to perform a few of his vintage tricks and juggling moves for the camera. Ronaldo, as always, wasn’t shy about showing off his moves, but unfortunately for him he lost track of where he was in relation to his manager’s car. A few slick moves and bam, Ronaldo flicked the ball straight through the window of Quiroz’s brand new Range Rover Sport. This is unlike Ronaldo, but I guess everyone can make mistakes. Ronaldo may be out a bit of cash, but I think he was more worried about explaining the incident to his boss. Ronaldo said, “I have done the move a million times. I felt myself slip slightly and unfortunately the ball went the one place that I didn’t want it to go.” This is certainly not a way to maintain good graces with the manager.

Este fin de semana me fui para Miami con un amigo a ver el Sony Ericsson Open. El torneo empezo el lunes y terminara el otro domingo. Nos fuimos a un apartamento que es del abuelo de el y queda en Brickell Key, una pequeña isla cerca al torneo. En la cocina habian algunas cosas para cocinar y como no teniamos quien nos cocinara entonces decidimos hacerlo nosotros. Habian unos 4 “nuggets” de pollo y los pusimos en un horno a calentar, mientras tanto, yo me puse a escuchar musica y mi amigo a hablar por celular en el balcon, en unos minutos yo me quede dormido y pasaron 15 minutos y los “nuggets” seguian cocinandose, luego empezo a salir humo del horno y mi amigo se dio cuenta que la alarma de incendio se habia activado y sonaba muy duro. El me levanto y tratamos de dispersar el humo con un sombrero de mariachi muy grande que habia y luego mandaron a una persona de seguridad a apagar la alarma. Le conte al policia que se nos habia quemado un pollo y todo estaba bien y por poco llegan los bomberos al apartamento.

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